Non-knitting content warning!!!!!!
So today we tried a little eatery near where we live. Hard Times Cafe. It was very good. They have 4 different kinds of chili, huge salads, and sweet tea. And they serve their drinks in HUGE classes.
So while we were eating the conversation came around to guns. Shmoo says, "I had a gun once, it was a .22. My dad took it away from me for shooting the toaster." When asked why he felt the need to shoot the toaster, the answer was, "It made me mad. It shocked me when I stuck a knife in it." After I got done spewing my food and laughing so loud the waitress had to come check on us, the details all came out.
He stuck a knife in the toaster because he knew he wasn't supposed to use a fork*. He took the toaster and shot it REPEATEDLY with the .22 rifle***. Then his mom came home and he hid it, under the back porch. When she asked him about the toaster that had been on the counter that morning when she left, he said "I don't know." (He now says it's important to understand that it's not the first time appliances had disappeared. It's another funny story having something to do with the pawn shop**.) She didn't believe him. Lord only knows why. After all, he and his best friend had only pawned his parents' (the friend's parents) small appliances the summer before when his parents had gone out of town. There was no reason at all to suspect he was lying, now was there?
He dug the toaster out from under the porch three months later and threw it away.
And lest you think he was young and didn't know any better, he was 15 at the time.
Yes, that's MY man.
*Edit: Please note, the toaster was ON when he did this. He couldn't see to get the crumb that was stuck out if the elements weren't lit up.
After shmom read this, she messaged me:
[Shmom]: Did [shmoo] tell you why the toast was stuck in the toaster?
[Shmom]: Because he always wanted his butter melted, so would toast the bread and then spread on the butter on it and return it to the toaster to melt the hard butter.
[Me]:haha. He bought me a butter dish so we could keep some soft all the time.
**[Shmom]: I decided that's the reason he always buys expensive appliances - he knows their worth at the pawn shop.
***And as for the gun: "It is actually his - it was his Grandpa's and I have custody until I think he is mature enough to handle it AGAIN."